In my last post I mentioned that my HCG levels needed to double in 48 hours to confirm that we are moving in the right direction. I got the call from the RE's office this evening and my HCG went from 12.6 on Wednesday to 27.6 today. It doubled so we are continuing with our plan to begin heparin shots (blood thinners) on Monday. They will also do more blood work on Monday for various blood clotting issues etc. and will run my HCG again. While my numbers did double ...27.6 is pretty low so my doctor would like to see my level over 100 on Monday. My progesterone is 27 which is good, but I'm also on supplements so it's impossible to know my TRUE number.
When you enter the world of pregnancy after loss you become pregnancy experts. You want to do all the right things and avoid all the wrong things. You learn to predict outcomes based on positive or negative symptoms. You learn about potential preventive measures. You also learn all of the lingo and make your doctors earn their paycheck by answering a million questions. You also obsess over numbers. Even though every pregnancy is different you want to know that someone with your exact HCG had a successful pregnancy. They even have HCG charts and calculators so you can compare and check your exact doubling time! My doubling time by the way is 42.43 hours. Gone are the days of a carefree pregnancy after loss.
I'm trying not to obsess...logically I know it doesn't change any outcomes, but our human nature desperately wants to know the future. That's what makes trusting God so difficult...I have no idea where He is leading us, what our future looks like or how He will use us. I just have to trust that the God that loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me also has our child in His hands.
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